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A Manly Guide to the Best on Broadway

Everyone has their stereotypes they can't escape. And Broadway will forever be forced to endure the fact that "real" men have no desire to sit in a theater for upwards of two hours while women and gay men eat up everything on the stage.

But I'm here to tell you that if you have outdoor plumbing, you don't have to be gay in order to appreciate Broadway.

Sure, Broadway's full of things you have no desire to see such as Beauty and the Beast, 9 to 5, Mamma Mia, Bye Bye Birdie, etc. All of those are enoughto make most men cringe and run in the other direction, all while takingstraight shots of Jack Daniels in order to regain their masculinity.

But it doesn't have to be that way. Say your woman wants to take a trip toNew York to see a Broadway musical or play. Here are a few options(depending on your dates, of course) that might not suck all the
testosterone from your body.

Alfred Hitchcock's movies freaked people out to no end. So it might be just a tad more than interesting to see a comedy about his first movie. I know, who ever expected 'comedy' and 'Alfred Hitchcock' to be in the same sentence, let alone a two-hour play, but it happened. So check out The 39 Steps, playing through January 3, 2010.

Comic book fan? Check out the musical version of The Toxic Avenger. It can't be any worse than the mental picture conjured in my head, so it might be worth it. Playing through February 21, 2010.

Are you a fan of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons? Or are you perhaps the least bit interested in their story? (You can say you aren't, but musical biopics aren't half bad, just look at how good Ray turned out.) So, give it a go and see Jersey Boys, playing through March 21, 2010.

Everyone's seen Spiderman starring Tobey McGuire. And most have seen the second one, and most of those people suffered through the third one. So you're probably a little wary of the Spiderman franchise, I know I am. But yet, when I heard they were bringing it to Broadway, I can't help but wonder about it. So, opening February 26, 2010 is Broadway's version of Spiderman in Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark. It might just turn off your fear of Broadway.

Even better yet, who doesn't love freaks? Especially ones who have a butler that's just a hand. So, opening March 4, 2010 is Broadway's The Addams Family. Better yet, it's starring Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth . If seeing Lilith from Frasier play Morticia isn't enough reason to go check it out, you know you want to see how they handle Lurch on stage.

Alright, so there are a handful of shows that might be tolerable enough to sit through. But if you can't convince your better half to see one of those, or if these just suck to you, there are a million other things to do in New York to put the hair back on your chest. (And if you have to play the "well,
I went to a Broadway show for you, so please do this for me" card, so be it, but I really hope it doesn't come to that.)

There is, of course, the fallback of catching a game at one of New York's many arenas. You can catch a Knicks game at Madison Square Gardens, a Giants game at Giants Stadium or a Yankees game at Yankees Stadium.

But you know, you can always check out a game at ESPN Zone, ESPN's sports bar, at 1472 Broadway. Shoot, it's got food, suggest it for dinner before the show. Then both of you can be satiated in the same day. It's a win-win for everyone involved.

And if that's not good enough, why don't you take a little trip to "Latin Quarter" on Lexington Avenue. Are you scratching your head? Why would you want to go there? That's the club where former New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress shot himself in the thigh. You know you want to check it
out. Who knows what sort of sports star you might see socially ending hiscareer.

Whatever you decide to do, Broadway's not really something to be afraid of. There is plenty enough to see, or do later, that will not cause you to have to turn in your man-card after your vacation.